Make amends rather than just feel sorry!

 

After Salya’s death at noon on the 18th Day of battle, the subsequent killing of Duryodhana by Bhima later that day & the massacre of Pāncālas by Asvattāma that night, Sanjay hurriedly returned to Hastinapur. Overwhelmed by grief, he entered Dhritrāshtra palace while shedding tears & exclaiming again & again: Duryodhana and his allies have been killed by the Pāndavās

 

Hearing this calamitous news, all the palace residents began running about as if demented while wailing aloud & crying piteously. When Sanjay entered Dhritrāshtra’s chambers, he saw the old blind king seated upon his throne, surrounded by Gāndhari, Vidura, his eldest daughter-in-law & other friends and relatives

 

With voice choked up due to excessive grief, Sanjay announced his presence & said: O King, your son Duryodhana has been killed by Bhima! In fact, there are now only seven warriors remaining on Pāndava side – Pāndu’s five sons, Sri Krsna & Sātyaki. On the Kaurava side only Asvattāma, Krpā and Krtavarmā are still alive

 

Hearing the shocking news, Dhritrāshtra immediately fainted onto the floor. Vidura also fainted & so did Gāndhāri and other Kuru ladies, so the entire assembly was soon lying upon the floor, wailing aloud as if demented. Dhritrāshtra slowly recovered. Turning to Vidura, he said: My dear brother, since I am now bereft of my sons, you are my sole refuge

 

After saying this, Dhritrāshtra once again fainted & so his relatives quickly came & fanned him while sprinkling cool water over his body. This time, after regaining consciousness, he remained silent. Upon seeing his master’s great affliction, Sanjay eyes became filled with tears. At last, Dhritrāshtra ordered the ladies to retire. When he was thus left alone with Sanjay & Vidura, he began to indulge in very pitiful lamentations

 

While waving his arms about in despair, Dhritrāshtra bemoaned his fate saying, Oh! Without the shelter of my sons & relatives, I feel completely lost. While listening to Bhima describe his slaughter of my 100 sons, how I will be able to go on living? O Sanjay, pls narrate to me all that happened at Kurukshetra after Karna’s death

 

Sanjay said: While Bhima was engaged in the killing of 25 000 Kaurava foot soldiers, Duryodhana had fought very heroically, but when the remaining Kaurava soldiers ran away from the battlefield, the king retired for the night

 

Krpa went to Duryodhana & said: Dear King! I beg you to make peace with the Pāndavās. By doing so you’ll be able to rule the Kuru kingdom along with Maharāj Yudhisthira. Certainly, this is far better than succumbing to utter defeat

 

Duryodhana reflected upon Krpā’s words for a long time & then replied: O Brāhmana! It is not possible for me to make peace with Pāndavās. Still, I thank you very much for your friendly & sincere advice. I have already committed so many offenses against the Pāndavās & Draupadi that they would never be able to forgive me

 

Making grievous mistake that hurt others is terrible. Irrespective of whether others forgive us or not, we may refuse to forgive ourselves, thinking that I am accountable for my actions & need to beat myself for what I did to others

 

We need to hold ourselves accountable, but the foundation of accountability is to reform self. Implicit in the idea that we should pay for the wrong we committed, is the understanding that we had the power to do the right thing but didn’t. Unfortunately, that very power can become compromised when we refuse to forgive ourselves. By that refusal, we may end up beating ourselves repeatedly and relentlessly for our past actions. Self-flagellation doesn’t strengthen us, but on the contrary, it only weakens and wounds us, decreasing our strength to act rightly

 

Krsna says:

yayā svapnaṁ bhayaṁ śokaṁ viṣādaṁ madam eva ca
na vimuñcati durmedhā dhṛtiḥ sā pārtha tāmasī

 

And that determination which cannot go beyond dreaming, fearfulness, lamentation, moroseness and illusion – such unintelligent determination, O son of Pṛthā, is in the mode of darkness

 

Let’s reform & concentrate our energies to act right, make amends rather than just feeling bad, guilty and shameful. It just doesn’t help

 

Thoughts? #gameoflife

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