Empathy!

After reaching Hastinapur, Sri Krsna as per the etiquette first spoke to Dhritarashtra in a very gentle voice: My dear King, you know that the Pandavas have always been submissive to you. They had tried best to avoid fighting with your sons, even to the extent of voluntarily accepting a long period of exile

 

I had previously come here & begged for peace & at that time I had requested a mere five villages on behalf of Pandavas. Still, you could not accept this proposal due to greed & the force of Destiny. Nor could you accept the good advice given by Vidura, Bhisma, Drona & many others who desired a peaceful settlement

 

Dear King, pls do not blame the Pandavas, for they are faultless & your only remaining descendants. Despite coming out victorious, Maharaj Yudhisthira burns with grief because of the great slaughter that took place. He also feels terribly miserable because he knows just how much you & Gandhari must be suffering. Indeed, Yudhisthira is so ashamed that he is afraid to come before you. It is for this reason, I have come here on his behalf

 

Turning to Gandhari, Sri Krsna said: You are the foremost of virtuous ladies. Pls remember how your son had ignored your advice when you had spoken to him in My presence. At that time, you had assured Duryodhana that victory would be with the righteous. You should not be angry with the Pandavas now that those words have proven to be true. No doubt, due to your great power of austerity, you are capable of destroying the entire three worlds. Still, I beg you to give up any ill feelings that you may harbour in your heart against the sons of Pandu

 

Gandhari replied: My dear Krsna, what You say is true. Although my heart burns with terrible anger & grief, You can rest be assured that I feel somewhat relieved now after hearing Your words

 

After saying this, Gandhari covered her face with her sari & began weeping. Sri Krsna spoke some more, hoping to further pacify the King & the Queen

 

When someone is in distress, we may want to empathize with them, conveying that we understand what they are going through. However, such a statement needs to be followed by other expressions that convey our support & willingness to help. We should not trivialize their situation but encourage them not to drown in self-pity but take responsibility to deal with their problems. We must have an overall encouraging tone, otherwise, our statements can backfire

 

Bhagavad Gita shows how statements about the universality of misery can be used to convey empathy, encouragement, and even empowerment. Krsna’s message to a distressed Arjuna about the nature of the world as a place of distress does not increase Arjuna’s distress but instead increases his composure & confidence to deal with an unavoidably distressful confrontation that has escalated into a martial conflict

 

mām upetya punar janma duḥkhālayam aśāśvatam
nāpnuvanti mahātmānaḥ saṁsiddhiṁ paramāṁ gatāḥ

 

After attaining Me, the great souls, who are yogīs in devotion, never return to this temporary world, which is full of miseries, because they have attained the highest perfection

 

How we empathize? Thoughts

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